Gray Is a Shitty Colour.

Whoa.....

It feels like eternity since i last wrote, These holidays seem like an eternity. They've been dragging on forever but Ive gotten some time to think to myself.

I feel Disconnected, detached from everything that has substance In my life. Its a weird feeling. I feel like nothing matters, nothing is worth my time or effort. But this is a phase and i believe it will pass. I believe in Emotional manipulation, I believe that we can control our emotions to the extent where we can make ourselves feel good in a time of despair, or make ourselves generate feelings for others without their input towards the creation of that feeling.

Ive come to the point where i can block out my emotions to benefit myself. But have i taken advantage of that ability to the extent where its controlling me? My feelings are minimizing. I no longer feel the joy of making new friends or the pleasure of being attracted to a person of the opposite sex. I feel gray and i fear its becoming worse. Even the feeling of frustration is missing.

I feel disconnected from Everything.
Wait.
Am i repeating myself?

I feel disconnected from Everyone. Its hard to explain. I feel inhuman of some sort, like I'm just going through life for the fuck of it.

Ive been through a lot, but this is one of my toughest fights, with life, with myself.

Joddy.

Recession, Kthxbye.

Ahhhh,

Recession is a Bitch.
But thank god for Amazing weather; Helps us get out there and enjoy Dubai's awesome sand... :)

Ive been rather broke recently, and now that the eid holidays are upon us, Money is flowing out of my wallet like a tap. My wallet is now a desert. I felt frustrated at the start of this financial drought and kept thinking about how I'm gonna Do stuff. But then i realized, Money will find me, just the way Fun, Friends and Girls do. So i thought why worry?

But that's not how life functions, Sadly. When finances are concerned, things do not function like they should. you have to work for your pay.
I learned a lot about that this summer. Working in a Business club everyday, with a Tough Boss and lack of sleep, for 8 hours is not easy (Fuck you Recession). But I'm thankful, I'm thankful because; i learned many new things I would not have learned at home or at school, because; I made new friends and because; Great experiences did i encounter.

If only life was as easy as having a good time, meeting new people and Finding love (or getting Laid).

But I'm thankful....

For Life.

Joddy.

Donate Funds please to the Joddy Charity... :)

Had a Great BBQ y'all. Thanks to my new pals from VES... :)

Drama Much?

"To make a mountain of, your life Is just a choice"

Wow.

What a way to start a song. Kudos to the members Of Nada Surf. Its called Always Love and its my new writing song.. :)

We are full of Drama, Our lives atleast. I for one do not cause drama, and im proud of that. I attract it though. Not a good thing but somehow Drama finds its way back to me.

We over think things, make a mess and blow stuff out of proportion. Instead of making life easier, we fuck it up. The real question is not why, but how we can stop. If you have read my other posts your probably expecting a little depth and emotion around now. None at all needed infact. The answer is simple. Focus yourself. Set your brain waves to think of things that are worth thinking about.

Recently I've been focusing on things i need to change in my life; My attitude (Towards basically everything especially Authority), My priorities, My environment.

Ive set goals that i want to achieve and im sure with a little Effort and 'Focus Much' i will have achieved them.

Joddy.

Insert Change Here Please.

Ah.....Back Here With you again.

Its been quite a week, I've put my emotions into words.
Not something i have done, EVER.

But People Change Right?

Um, Fuck That.

People Do not Change. People Adapt but they never change.
A recovering Drug addict would still crave Drugs the way he/she did Before. The only difference now is that, that Person Has Adapted to not having Drugs in his/her system.

No One Changes. We Are Naive children in Pre-school all the way up to middle school, but then we are exposed to Different ideas that Affect us and make us adapt to our surroundings.
Our Adaptions are Highly Prejudiced. We Stereotype Everyone. The Emo Kid, The Loner Kid, The Nerd, The Popular Kid (Also known as the stuck up Asshole) and So Forth.

These are just labels given to Them. Its not Their True Personalities. Their Behaviour May denote the Labels they are given, But is it really them?

In My Case, My Label is a front for me. It works. There Are only few who know The real Me and Now, You are getting to Know Me. So if your thinking to yourself "Is he Saying he's Full of Shit?", Then your spot on. No one is For Real. No one is Pure to the Core Of Their Being. We Are all Fake to some extent.

Don't let an environment Deceive You. No one is who they seem.

Joddy.

Ps: Epic Weekend Guys. Shout out to Yall; Manny, Quizy, Pooya, Nabil and Omar. Nice to meet You Fadi.... :)

(Written While Calvin Harris Was Playing On The Stereo)

Define That.

Pain.......

Fuck that. Mental or Physical. Ive been in a lot of physical pain yesterday. Definitely was not a Nice feeling.

Ive been thinking recently of the things i have around me. A handful of good friends who i can trust. Parents Who don't understand me. Sisters Who are from another generation and Very few assets. What i was really thinking was which one of these define me?
Is it My Friends? My Parents? or is it the possessions and talents i have acquired?

"What defines Me?"

Those three words running through my head all day; Not consciously of course but back there in that Mass of grey matter. I started To Cross out the possibilities and reached a final and Satisfying answer.

Myself, My Friends and My Spirituality

I was once told " Choose What you Value the most and let it define you."

I let me define myself by Being and independent thinker; not letting others change my process of thinking. Doing what i want; Free will was given by god for a reason. And Being My own person; I Am me, I'm not you or Someone else, I am an individual, I am special.

I let My friends define me by Being there for them; Helping them helps me. And Trusting them; I Trust them and they trust me, this definitely leads to good memories and good times.

Everything in my life Is overall well balanced. One thing i wish i was more in control is my spirituality. The time i devote to god is Zero, Zip, Nada. I'm not proud of it and i wish i had more control over that region of my life.

You may think I'm a control freak, and I most probably am. But isn't control good?......

Joddy.

Song of the week: Xavia-the submarines (It has Really helped me type out my Thoughts)

Its How you 'Handle' It.....

So where Were we?.. :)

Oh Yeah...

Let Me tell you a bit about controlling your emotions, The way i do.
Its More of an art more than anything else. It takes time to develop, No Way your Attaining this ability overnight.
One nasty situation that Rips through you like a Knife will surely Wake you up, but that doesn't mean you re maturity level and Mental capacity to deal with such situations will adapt. It takes a series of Events to Change your approach towards everything, towards life.

Ignoring your emotions is an effective way of Effectively not 'Fucking Up' your shit, and doesn't make you any less human, than anyone else. An emotion maybe be so strong that your actions maybe totally retarded and you wouldn't know what the fuck your doing. We normally ignore our emotions in day to day life but unknowingly. The only difference here is that we do it knowingly and To benefit us.

Lemme give you an example from The Life Lessons of Joddy.

When I feel infatuation, my first response its to analyze the situation. Weigh the pros and cons of expressing this emotion. Normally I find a way To make the cons Outweigh the pros. This way i trick myself into thinking It aint worth the trouble. Having two previous fail relationships taught me to be careful when Expressing these feelings: the most probable reason I'm not in a romantic relationship currently. I value my Single status.

I shall Leave you with this last Piece of advice, If you think That Person is worth you expressing whatever emotion; be it hate, Anger, love etc. Don't be afraid to take a chance.

Hope this gave u a small insight into how i function.

Joddy.

Pooya:Ballwipe
Joddy:Wtf is that?....Its going in my blog....xD

Bi-Polar?....

I'm opening up. I Really am.
I'm opening up, to my friends, to My Peers and Possibly a Bunch a strangers reading this.
Its not something i do normally. My usual instinct is to protect myself from others, From people. I'm definitely (Ive been favouring this word a lot) the social type, but my emotions and Secrets Are well Coveted, I cherish them like someone would cherish a child and therefore i decide not to share them so often. So why am i doing this?....

The realisations i come upon seem rather Surreal, I Acknowledge them and Understand them, But not Much is Done To make Them real.
I'm sure at this point you have no idea what I'm rambling on about, and is it best that you not understand?
Everyone needs to know what to do and what not to. Most of us don't. There are somethings we need to learn on our own through experience. These things cannot be taught to us by our parents or Elders.

I myself Believe that i have a lot to learn, but i also believe i have come to a stage where I can control my Thoughts and emotions to benefit me.
Self Control is of Great essence.
That's something i will discuss in my next post.

Will we ever be 'Perfect' enough to Not Screw up our lives by acting on emotion?

I'm Dealing with this Bi-polarness mood. Looking forward to this weekend as it looks like its going to be fun filled.... :)

Joddy......

El Scorcho

Hey Y'all,

Its Been awhile since i last Posted Anything.I Haven't Really Found anything worth Writing About. But today while listening to a Recent Fave tune of mine, I realised i have a lot to write about and i decide, I'm going to Reignite this blog....... :)


Let me start with Describing Last week And How Fucked Up it was. I Was in this Unexplainable Mood. I Felt uber Pathetic. I Stayed at home, Not attending school for 4 days Which got me into loads Of Shit with my parents and My Teachers. Thursday Finally Arrived and i Pushed myself with great Effort to attend school. I'm happy i did as it was one of the most awesome Days ever this whole month. That evening I Hung out at Quizy's House and Spent the night there. I let my Creativeness flow and We came up with a tune.......
Weekend Was excellent i must say. But here i am Again feeling like crap and i don't know why.

I'm happy i have Friends like Quizy, Hes a Real Friend and i know Hes the one i can call if i ever need a hand.
Ive been Feeling like I'm surrounded with few People of character. I need More Of People of Character surrounding me instead of the Shallow People that i interact with on a day to day basis. Its not much I'm asking for, But yet I seem to Befriend the same type of person, a Shallow,Immature and Close minded Fuck Hole. Possibly focusing myself on Acquainting myself with More mature And deep people will let me attain those friendships i yearn for.

Well, hope this helps me restart this blog.

Joddy

PS: Listen To El Scorcho by Weezer, its been repeating on my play list for days. Epic song....
:D