Whoa.....
It feels like eternity since i last wrote, These holidays seem like an eternity. They've been dragging on forever but Ive gotten some time to think to myself.
I feel Disconnected, detached from everything that has substance In my life. Its a weird feeling. I feel like nothing matters, nothing is worth my time or effort. But this is a phase and i believe it will pass. I believe in Emotional manipulation, I believe that we can control our emotions to the extent where we can make ourselves feel good in a time of despair, or make ourselves generate feelings for others without their input towards the creation of that feeling.
Ive come to the point where i can block out my emotions to benefit myself. But have i taken advantage of that ability to the extent where its controlling me? My feelings are minimizing. I no longer feel the joy of making new friends or the pleasure of being attracted to a person of the opposite sex. I feel gray and i fear its becoming worse. Even the feeling of frustration is missing.
I feel disconnected from Everything.
Wait.
Am i repeating myself?
I feel disconnected from Everyone. Its hard to explain. I feel inhuman of some sort, like I'm just going through life for the fuck of it.
Ive been through a lot, but this is one of my toughest fights, with life, with myself.
Joddy.
I don't think blocking out emotions is what's causing it... I know what you mean and I've never had the ability to block out emotions :P
ReplyDeleteOnce you hit the emptiness stage things do change a bit.. with emotions. With me, it's been like that for a while. I constantly feel like there's some mental block I can't get past. It took me quite a few stages like this though, so just try to stick it out. Hopefully the phase'll pass soon...
Im a superior being... :P
ReplyDeleteI donno, its just been so bleh. I cant connect with no one, not even my parents or sisters. Hopefully it will pass.... :)
Dude, its all good it will go past...
ReplyDelete