Not Exactly.

I was just out on my balcony, Smoking up, And I started to think, Alot.


I went over the past events of this year and last year. I have met amazing people and had amazing times, But that emptiness feeling is bubbling up again. Deja Vu.
Not the best feeling ever.

BUT!

A sense of rejuvenation has overcome me. If you have read my previous posts, you would understand what I've been going on about. My Emotionless period and what not. I feel it all coming back, and thats the reason for all of this. I'm feeling human again. Not the best feeling as I said, But a refreshing one.

I'm Confused.

As I thought before, my lack of emotion stunted my ability to feel for others the way I should. And as its all coming back I feel confusion. I'm developing feelings, for certain people and as instinct comes in, I am trying to counteract these feelings. I don't want to. I want them to surface but going through my mind is a big "What if?" and that sends shivers through me. I really don't want to go through the hurt Ive been through before. Its scary. Its all back, im feeling like an adolescent boy again. A crush it may be, but am I ready? I really have no idea.

Oh boy. I hope I figure it out, or here comes another fucked up life stage.

Joddy

My classmate came upto me today and told me that he had read the blog. He said; with a smile, that he had totally changed his opinion of me. I felt a little joy. It feels good.