I'm Back. Well not back entirely, but back somewhat.
Readers be warned. This is gonna be one hateful Post.
I'm feeling really angry. I have no idea why. No ones done anything to me, but I'm just angry. Maybe its repressed shit; Like My subconscious wants to fucking rip someone apart and maybe, just maybe my conscious wants to as well.
Let me start off. I have a fucking list.
First of all.
All the people who are two faced bitches. Learn to manage your shit. Its fine as long as no one knows. Its fucked up when you get sloppy and everyone knows. Then it matters.
Secondly.
All you fucking oversensitive people. Take the Dildo out your ass. Maybe that's why your so sensitive. Do I feel betrayed by your actions? Fuck yes. Its not cool when you've done so much for someone and then they decide a small flaw of yours is worth tossing the whole friendship for. Fuck that shit.
Thirdly.
For the people who think they all big now, cause they moving up in life; Remember your fucking roots. Where you came from, and how you got to where you are. You ain't nobody. Just cause you have a few more friends, does not mean you are any different. You will always be the same cock sucking bitch you've always been.
and Finally.
The ones who think they can use me and get what they want, I'm smarter than you. Don't try your shit with me.
And for the kids killing themselves by huffing and sniffing shit. You deserve to Fucking Die.
The rest of you haters can suck my dick.
Either I've been watching too much weeds or listening to too much eminem.
Nonetheless, Fuck it.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
A Final Post.
Exams almost at an end. Its an end of an era for me. School is pretty much over.
Never thought I'd make it this far. But it goes on.
I'm really sick of it all. Whats the point? So we can have a better life. What if we were to die tomorrow? what a waste. I'm not afraid of Dying; Least of my worries.
But now that its all over I'm reflecting on my past 18 years. What have I really accomplished? I've become a better person, I have alot of friends and a great personality?
Does that count?
Well I hope so cause this whole life would have been of no use.
I'm looking forward though, to the rest of this year. Looks promising. By today I should be done with my last cigarette, Ever. Why jeopardise a future that looks promising with a little feel good smoke. My perspective doesn't matter, Its what you think that matters.
The main reason I re ignited this blog was to help with my English and now I'm done with that. So I guess there is nothing left to write for. Figure it out. At least someone would have done justice by this blog then. Its been a good run. Time to end it.
Bye Readers.
Joddy
A little John Mayer Closing music.
Never thought I'd make it this far. But it goes on.
I'm really sick of it all. Whats the point? So we can have a better life. What if we were to die tomorrow? what a waste. I'm not afraid of Dying; Least of my worries.
But now that its all over I'm reflecting on my past 18 years. What have I really accomplished? I've become a better person, I have alot of friends and a great personality?
Does that count?
Well I hope so cause this whole life would have been of no use.
I'm looking forward though, to the rest of this year. Looks promising. By today I should be done with my last cigarette, Ever. Why jeopardise a future that looks promising with a little feel good smoke. My perspective doesn't matter, Its what you think that matters.
The main reason I re ignited this blog was to help with my English and now I'm done with that. So I guess there is nothing left to write for. Figure it out. At least someone would have done justice by this blog then. Its been a good run. Time to end it.
Bye Readers.
Joddy
A little John Mayer Closing music.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Make It What It Is.
Yesterday I told my friend to pick a topic for me to blog about. Oh boy. She picked The future. I laughed. That laughter really didn't stick around for long cause it got me thinking. Well I normally just think about now and well, yeah just about the present. But I got thinking about the future. Then I watched 30 rock and really didn't think about it that much.
But I have had sessions where I think about the future. I wish for things and none of them really fall into place (Credits due to The apartment). Kinda sucks. But that's not how it works. If one thing Ive learnt from 30 rock is to be an optimist. The future can be awesome as long as you make it awesome. The world revolves around you, around me, around everyone. That's how it works.
Where do I see myself in 5 to 10 years?
I see myself where I wanna be. Where I'm happy. I see myself in Dubai. I'm never leaving this awesome country. Its home to me, where I have friends and friends I consider family.
What do I want in life? Exactly what you want, Riches, Bitches and more bitches. Now all I can do is make it what it is.
Joddy
Mau5 is alive again.
But I have had sessions where I think about the future. I wish for things and none of them really fall into place (Credits due to The apartment). Kinda sucks. But that's not how it works. If one thing Ive learnt from 30 rock is to be an optimist. The future can be awesome as long as you make it awesome. The world revolves around you, around me, around everyone. That's how it works.
Where do I see myself in 5 to 10 years?
I see myself where I wanna be. Where I'm happy. I see myself in Dubai. I'm never leaving this awesome country. Its home to me, where I have friends and friends I consider family.
What do I want in life? Exactly what you want, Riches, Bitches and more bitches. Now all I can do is make it what it is.
Joddy
Mau5 is alive again.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Sober Reunion
I hate it when I have no Dokha. I'm craving it. But I guess this Is a good opportunity to give it up. Not sure its something I want to do.
Any who, just had some family friends reach our place from Oman. I ha vent seen them in over 2 years. Alot has happened in these two years and I definitely wasn't looking forward to this reunion. I 'was' close with one of them. He was like my older brother when I was growing up; I looked up to him. He was what i wanted to be. He looks Amish now (not what i wanted to look like but whatever). But the real question is, Do I want to be like him now or was that because i needed someone other than a father to look up too?
This reunion has been tough on me. I had a good half an hour thinking session while having a shower this morning. I thought about what i would say and how I would behave. Totally fucked that up. I opened by saying he looked like a Jew. Fml. One thing i hate apart from lying is awkward moments.
I do not hang onto past relationships. If your out of my life don't bother coming back, Just GTFO. Life is too short to hold on meaningless relationships that will be rekindled by a brief meeting that is a forced formality. Its just a waste of time.
Its been a bit emotional this morning but I've held it together; But for what? So that we can remain friends who visit each other every few years? Please. I have better things to do.
Got an English exam tomorrow. Cant wait to see how that goes. Oh boy.
Joddy
Is German Music making a comeback? or is it just me?
Any who, just had some family friends reach our place from Oman. I ha vent seen them in over 2 years. Alot has happened in these two years and I definitely wasn't looking forward to this reunion. I 'was' close with one of them. He was like my older brother when I was growing up; I looked up to him. He was what i wanted to be. He looks Amish now (not what i wanted to look like but whatever). But the real question is, Do I want to be like him now or was that because i needed someone other than a father to look up too?
This reunion has been tough on me. I had a good half an hour thinking session while having a shower this morning. I thought about what i would say and how I would behave. Totally fucked that up. I opened by saying he looked like a Jew. Fml. One thing i hate apart from lying is awkward moments.
I do not hang onto past relationships. If your out of my life don't bother coming back, Just GTFO. Life is too short to hold on meaningless relationships that will be rekindled by a brief meeting that is a forced formality. Its just a waste of time.
Its been a bit emotional this morning but I've held it together; But for what? So that we can remain friends who visit each other every few years? Please. I have better things to do.
Got an English exam tomorrow. Cant wait to see how that goes. Oh boy.
Joddy
Is German Music making a comeback? or is it just me?
Thursday, April 29, 2010
I Dont Give A Fuck, A.K.A. Apathy.
I don't Give a Fuck. I do not. I promise.
My motto, believe it or not. I don't swear by it, like the way people swear by the bible, but it works. It works for me.
That's pretty much my attitude summed up in a 5 word sentence. Want me to repeat it?
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
The general idea you might get from this intro is that this post is gonna be a bitter, hateful filled post. I assure its not; a little anger filled, yes. But bitter and hateful no.
I run myself day by day. I don't make plans to far in the future and I don't worry about the future. My parents think differently. They 'encourage' me to plan ahead and to make an effort now for my future. Whats the fucking point? Seriously? I tell them I'll do it, but I never do. Would be kind of a stupid reason if I said its my nature. But my behaviour is not definitive. No ones is. So why do I go along with the Apathetic Bastard role?
I do not know. It works for me as I said before. Maybe its because I'm afraid to Commit or Stick to anything. Aren't you afraid too? Of getting Hurt by someone in your life, or something that's happening around you? I am. And you know what? Its human. I'm proving to myself that I'm human. This role I'm playing is just a way of defending myself from the outside and its Pervertedness. I mainly blame this on my parents but we all need someone to vent on Right? Right? I hope so, otherwise they have managed to fuck me up.
So if you think theres nothing more than an apathetic SOB. Your wrong. There is alot beneath, but working your way down there is gonna take effort.
Joddy
Weezer is back on.
My motto, believe it or not. I don't swear by it, like the way people swear by the bible, but it works. It works for me.
That's pretty much my attitude summed up in a 5 word sentence. Want me to repeat it?
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
The general idea you might get from this intro is that this post is gonna be a bitter, hateful filled post. I assure its not; a little anger filled, yes. But bitter and hateful no.
I run myself day by day. I don't make plans to far in the future and I don't worry about the future. My parents think differently. They 'encourage' me to plan ahead and to make an effort now for my future. Whats the fucking point? Seriously? I tell them I'll do it, but I never do. Would be kind of a stupid reason if I said its my nature. But my behaviour is not definitive. No ones is. So why do I go along with the Apathetic Bastard role?
I do not know. It works for me as I said before. Maybe its because I'm afraid to Commit or Stick to anything. Aren't you afraid too? Of getting Hurt by someone in your life, or something that's happening around you? I am. And you know what? Its human. I'm proving to myself that I'm human. This role I'm playing is just a way of defending myself from the outside and its Pervertedness. I mainly blame this on my parents but we all need someone to vent on Right? Right? I hope so, otherwise they have managed to fuck me up.
So if you think theres nothing more than an apathetic SOB. Your wrong. There is alot beneath, but working your way down there is gonna take effort.
Joddy
Weezer is back on.
Inhibiting Inhibitions.
Ive been listening to This Flyleaf song for a long time; Missing.
What is Missing? Lacey Mosley seems to know. She does, doesn't she?
Guess not.
Was just chatting with my classmate and we were discussing certain things. She recited this: "you always end up writing the best shit when you don't have to stop and think about what your gonna say next"
Kind of made me ponder about how things in my life, not to far in the past used to run. Everything worked subconciously. I mean, life is so much easier that way. No focusing and over thinking. Everything comes naturally.
These days I have to think a hundred times before I can perform a task (Impactful Tasks). Its Annoying. I tend to fuck up more this way as I do not consciously know whats best for me. One of my friends told me its a sign of maturity. He said; you think alot before doing something of importance because your brain wants to be aware of every possibility. Hes possibly right, in general, but I seem to be failing when it comes to pre-thinking. I tend to make Crappier decisions. Maybe with more experience I shall be able to develop this talent of not 'Fucking up'.
All that's left is that I lose my Inhibitions. Oh boy.
Ive been blogging alot. I have no idea why. Nothing interesting going on around me at the moment and my life seems very average. My normal blog pattern is to blog when there is an anomaly. Sign of good things to come? I hope so.
Joddy
What is Missing? Lacey Mosley seems to know. She does, doesn't she?
Guess not.
Was just chatting with my classmate and we were discussing certain things. She recited this: "you always end up writing the best shit when you don't have to stop and think about what your gonna say next"
Kind of made me ponder about how things in my life, not to far in the past used to run. Everything worked subconciously. I mean, life is so much easier that way. No focusing and over thinking. Everything comes naturally.
These days I have to think a hundred times before I can perform a task (Impactful Tasks). Its Annoying. I tend to fuck up more this way as I do not consciously know whats best for me. One of my friends told me its a sign of maturity. He said; you think alot before doing something of importance because your brain wants to be aware of every possibility. Hes possibly right, in general, but I seem to be failing when it comes to pre-thinking. I tend to make Crappier decisions. Maybe with more experience I shall be able to develop this talent of not 'Fucking up'.
All that's left is that I lose my Inhibitions. Oh boy.
Ive been blogging alot. I have no idea why. Nothing interesting going on around me at the moment and my life seems very average. My normal blog pattern is to blog when there is an anomaly. Sign of good things to come? I hope so.
Joddy
Monday, April 26, 2010
Made.
I was Watching Made On Mtv today. Kinda funny how normal people become what the fuck they want to. Made me laugh. Really wasn't what I anticipated but as I watched today's episode my confidence started to build up.
Fucking MTV.
The fact that I now feel confident is cool but also a bitch at the same time. On one hand I feel like I can do whatever I want, but this compelling feeling also challenges me. And for those who know me, I'm a lazy bastard. Unless I'm sure its worth it, fuck effort. Not an ounce will I invest unless its worth my time. So yeah, challenges take time. Fuck that. Why bother is what I would say, Normally. But once you succeed there is this fucking overwhelming feeling of satisfaction. That is a good feeling; I must admit, one of the best.
As my previous posts have talked about how Ive been lacking in the 'Players' department. My initial conclusion was I'm maturing and i will have to think about every move i make before i make it, unlike before when it came with instinct. But now I realise all I need is a little confidence boost. Yes, It still has alot to do with maturity. Its like my brain does that so I dont fuck up Unknowingly. Self Preservation among my peers, friends and potential partners is what I would call it. A little rejection might humble me as well...
Just Saying, It might....
Any who, Time to Get Some Pussy yo.
Joddy
Lost prophets making a come back in my music library.... :D
Fucking MTV.
The fact that I now feel confident is cool but also a bitch at the same time. On one hand I feel like I can do whatever I want, but this compelling feeling also challenges me. And for those who know me, I'm a lazy bastard. Unless I'm sure its worth it, fuck effort. Not an ounce will I invest unless its worth my time. So yeah, challenges take time. Fuck that. Why bother is what I would say, Normally. But once you succeed there is this fucking overwhelming feeling of satisfaction. That is a good feeling; I must admit, one of the best.
As my previous posts have talked about how Ive been lacking in the 'Players' department. My initial conclusion was I'm maturing and i will have to think about every move i make before i make it, unlike before when it came with instinct. But now I realise all I need is a little confidence boost. Yes, It still has alot to do with maturity. Its like my brain does that so I dont fuck up Unknowingly. Self Preservation among my peers, friends and potential partners is what I would call it. A little rejection might humble me as well...
Just Saying, It might....
Any who, Time to Get Some Pussy yo.
Joddy
Lost prophets making a come back in my music library.... :D
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Emotionless Prick
Nyah. New word to honest.
I just got home.Chilling with My good Friends all through this weekend. Been a fun weekend after a few dramatic, Boring And plain out Dead Weekends. Back to real life I guess.
I've been listening to a lot of Electronic music of lately. I love it. But its time for a change, an overall change. I Select Emotionless Prick; The old me. It works just fine. But getting back there is gonna be a fucking challenge. I'm losing My essence.
"For a wise dude, you're pretty stupid"
Bam! In my face, Made me Laugh alot. but it is true; stupid mistakes and no pre-thought to expressing emotions Is me right now. I'm getting annoyed, by the girl I like. Wtf Right? I guess its cause i expect more and its not going the way i want it. Stupid Mistake exploring this route i guess.
Back To Emotionless Prick it is, With a sort of smile....
Joddy
Tag it up Bitches!
I just got home.Chilling with My good Friends all through this weekend. Been a fun weekend after a few dramatic, Boring And plain out Dead Weekends. Back to real life I guess.
I've been listening to a lot of Electronic music of lately. I love it. But its time for a change, an overall change. I Select Emotionless Prick; The old me. It works just fine. But getting back there is gonna be a fucking challenge. I'm losing My essence.
"For a wise dude, you're pretty stupid"
Bam! In my face, Made me Laugh alot. but it is true; stupid mistakes and no pre-thought to expressing emotions Is me right now. I'm getting annoyed, by the girl I like. Wtf Right? I guess its cause i expect more and its not going the way i want it. Stupid Mistake exploring this route i guess.
Back To Emotionless Prick it is, With a sort of smile....
Joddy
Tag it up Bitches!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Not Exactly.
I was just out on my balcony, Smoking up, And I started to think, Alot.
I went over the past events of this year and last year. I have met amazing people and had amazing times, But that emptiness feeling is bubbling up again. Deja Vu.
Not the best feeling ever.
BUT!
A sense of rejuvenation has overcome me. If you have read my previous posts, you would understand what I've been going on about. My Emotionless period and what not. I feel it all coming back, and thats the reason for all of this. I'm feeling human again. Not the best feeling as I said, But a refreshing one.
I'm Confused.
As I thought before, my lack of emotion stunted my ability to feel for others the way I should. And as its all coming back I feel confusion. I'm developing feelings, for certain people and as instinct comes in, I am trying to counteract these feelings. I don't want to. I want them to surface but going through my mind is a big "What if?" and that sends shivers through me. I really don't want to go through the hurt Ive been through before. Its scary. Its all back, im feeling like an adolescent boy again. A crush it may be, but am I ready? I really have no idea.
Oh boy. I hope I figure it out, or here comes another fucked up life stage.
Joddy
My classmate came upto me today and told me that he had read the blog. He said; with a smile, that he had totally changed his opinion of me. I felt a little joy. It feels good.
I went over the past events of this year and last year. I have met amazing people and had amazing times, But that emptiness feeling is bubbling up again. Deja Vu.
Not the best feeling ever.
BUT!
A sense of rejuvenation has overcome me. If you have read my previous posts, you would understand what I've been going on about. My Emotionless period and what not. I feel it all coming back, and thats the reason for all of this. I'm feeling human again. Not the best feeling as I said, But a refreshing one.
I'm Confused.
As I thought before, my lack of emotion stunted my ability to feel for others the way I should. And as its all coming back I feel confusion. I'm developing feelings, for certain people and as instinct comes in, I am trying to counteract these feelings. I don't want to. I want them to surface but going through my mind is a big "What if?" and that sends shivers through me. I really don't want to go through the hurt Ive been through before. Its scary. Its all back, im feeling like an adolescent boy again. A crush it may be, but am I ready? I really have no idea.
Oh boy. I hope I figure it out, or here comes another fucked up life stage.
Joddy
My classmate came upto me today and told me that he had read the blog. He said; with a smile, that he had totally changed his opinion of me. I felt a little joy. It feels good.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
From The Sub; Beneath The Concious.
I Really Have No idea if I'm repeating anything, but I feel that I am. I'm maturing and Its turning out to be a bitch. Things I would not pay attention to before, are now Clawing at my conscious self, whereas before they were items of sub-conscious Furniture in my head.
Of recent; even the smallest decisions I have re-thought over and over. Is it cause the actions i may perform would cause me shame? or is it just cause I'm loosing my 'balls'?
It's been In my mind for a long time now and I SERIOUSLY, have no fucking clue to what the answer may be. Whats happening? I really wish I knew. Its like life difficulty has stepped up a notch. Fuck me as it was bad enough before, but now its just a Motherfucking Bitch.
Stepping up my 'I don't give a shit; I can mentally Overtake all this shit' Game is probably a good idea. But there is a limit before I overstress my mind and end up emotionally and mentally breaking down. Ive done this for a while and if you have read my previous posts you will see how I have contained my emotions.
Maybe its time to try another approach at maturity and all its Friends, Or maybe not.
Joddy
Another epic and Sad weekend; Y.E.C and Prasan leaving.
(Dub step all the way)
Of recent; even the smallest decisions I have re-thought over and over. Is it cause the actions i may perform would cause me shame? or is it just cause I'm loosing my 'balls'?
It's been In my mind for a long time now and I SERIOUSLY, have no fucking clue to what the answer may be. Whats happening? I really wish I knew. Its like life difficulty has stepped up a notch. Fuck me as it was bad enough before, but now its just a Motherfucking Bitch.
Stepping up my 'I don't give a shit; I can mentally Overtake all this shit' Game is probably a good idea. But there is a limit before I overstress my mind and end up emotionally and mentally breaking down. Ive done this for a while and if you have read my previous posts you will see how I have contained my emotions.
Maybe its time to try another approach at maturity and all its Friends, Or maybe not.
Joddy
Another epic and Sad weekend; Y.E.C and Prasan leaving.
(Dub step all the way)
Departure Passionné
I Haven't written in 3 Months. What the hell right?
Oh Well.
Just got back from an amazing night at the bar. One of My Uber close friends is leaving; My Bro, My Big Bro to be precise. I got Some time to reflect on myself later, after the bar as i was walking home alone. I realised i have a lot of friends, But! how many truly know me for who I am. Definitely they like me or whatever for who I am, But which one's really know me?
That question resonated in my mind the short walk home, and as I thought to myself only a hand few do. These are the people I need to keep close, But as I backtrack I loose track. The rest are just Acquaintances, mere contacts. I really owe it to my Bros for setting me straight and giving me a mirror to look at when i act like a jackass. It helps me watch me from a third person view. They are definitely the ones i can depend on for anything.
In relation, i also pondered, Which can i trust and pour out my real feelings too? The answer again: None. A depressing one as 18 years on this earth have led to nothing under my belt other than a good personality and a few talents.
On that note, If there is someone out there who thinks they suit the job position, Do apply and I shit you not, My emotions will not disappoint You.
Joddy
Great night, Shout Out to Ashfan and Prasan. Have a safe trip machang and i ll see you in December.
(Written While the stereo was playing Deadmau5)
Oh Well.
Just got back from an amazing night at the bar. One of My Uber close friends is leaving; My Bro, My Big Bro to be precise. I got Some time to reflect on myself later, after the bar as i was walking home alone. I realised i have a lot of friends, But! how many truly know me for who I am. Definitely they like me or whatever for who I am, But which one's really know me?
That question resonated in my mind the short walk home, and as I thought to myself only a hand few do. These are the people I need to keep close, But as I backtrack I loose track. The rest are just Acquaintances, mere contacts. I really owe it to my Bros for setting me straight and giving me a mirror to look at when i act like a jackass. It helps me watch me from a third person view. They are definitely the ones i can depend on for anything.
In relation, i also pondered, Which can i trust and pour out my real feelings too? The answer again: None. A depressing one as 18 years on this earth have led to nothing under my belt other than a good personality and a few talents.
On that note, If there is someone out there who thinks they suit the job position, Do apply and I shit you not, My emotions will not disappoint You.
Joddy
Great night, Shout Out to Ashfan and Prasan. Have a safe trip machang and i ll see you in December.
(Written While the stereo was playing Deadmau5)
Monday, January 4, 2010
The New Year
The Start of a new year.
Is it?
It feels the same, Another Day, Another Month & Another Year. I was Comfortable in 2009, Oblivious to life, But now as I'm growing up People expect me to change, to become what they want me to be.
2010 expects me to change, and that's not what i want.
2009 Revealed a lot to me; about myself and others. Things i wanted to know and things i wish i never stumbled upon. I made new Friends and lost old ones. Many Regrets do i have, but if i were to repeat 2009 all over again i would make the same Errors all over again because they have made me the Person I am.
My life has now been reduced to: Going out, Smoking, Drinking and Playing pool. Ive lost substance. But it works for me, Learning who my real friends are, Hanging out with them and Just Doing my own Thang.
I actually discussed the subtleness of the start of 2010 with one of my friends and he was like "What do you expect? A jolt of the earth?" and that made me wonder, wouldn't that be more significant of the start of a new year than fireworks, Parties and Alcohol?....
All thats important is that i am Happy....
Joddy
Is it?
It feels the same, Another Day, Another Month & Another Year. I was Comfortable in 2009, Oblivious to life, But now as I'm growing up People expect me to change, to become what they want me to be.
2010 expects me to change, and that's not what i want.
2009 Revealed a lot to me; about myself and others. Things i wanted to know and things i wish i never stumbled upon. I made new Friends and lost old ones. Many Regrets do i have, but if i were to repeat 2009 all over again i would make the same Errors all over again because they have made me the Person I am.
My life has now been reduced to: Going out, Smoking, Drinking and Playing pool. Ive lost substance. But it works for me, Learning who my real friends are, Hanging out with them and Just Doing my own Thang.
I actually discussed the subtleness of the start of 2010 with one of my friends and he was like "What do you expect? A jolt of the earth?" and that made me wonder, wouldn't that be more significant of the start of a new year than fireworks, Parties and Alcohol?....
All thats important is that i am Happy....
Joddy
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